It’s what you’ve all been waiting for—our Black Friday Spectacular begins Friday, November 24 at 12 AM EST, with deals released on the hour, every hour.
I’m Alex, your MC for the day. I’ll be taking this opportunity to introduce our acts who will bring you offers in different areas of the business.
We will have domain, hosting, Private Email and SSL offers with savings of up to 98%. Learn more about how it works.
Introducing The Acts
No one is happier than me to be here, telling you all about Namecheap’s Black Friday deals. Believe me, you’re going to save a lot of money! I know, because it’s the reason they can’t afford to pay us. Still, at least this way my agent won’t make his 10%.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, ‘these jokes are terrible, how do I get out of here?’ Well, you may as well get comfortable, because our professional escapologist Barry Whodunnit has spent the last thirty seconds locking all the exits! Besides, you don’t want to miss the introductions…
First on my list—because otherwise, he said he’d burn me—introducing the fearless, limitless, brainless marvel— un-match-able in his field. Nobody can hold a candle to him, and believe me, you shouldn’t try! It’s our fire-breathing behemoth: Ignis!
It’s rumored, ladies and gentlemen, that he was forged from pure magma and dragon bones. Becoming a fire-breather wasn’t so much a calling as a necessity. Now is a good time to mention that this building is completely inflammable. Which unfortunately for us, means the same as flammable.
It’s a rare sort of person who climbs into a giant cannon and thinks ‘I’m home’. But Blasto’s always lived in a cannon, so it wasn’t a big deal. Lucky for you he likes to ‘leave home’ a few times a show. In his line of work, a ‘fire exit’ has a slightly different meaning.
Like many film stars, Blasto fills time between ‘shots’ by playing on his smartphone. He does get through phones really quickly though. In fact, at exactly the same speed he’s fired from the cannon.
It’s our king of juggling and jollity; all-around funnyman, Laffy the Clown! Watch him juggle balls, fire, hoops—it’s all the same really, isn’t it?
Anyway, as a child, Laffy was able to make people laugh with a simple contortion of his, er… “striking” face. He then learned to juggle badly, so he could at least feel like the laughter was earned.
She always hits her Mark—Mark is her cheating boyfriend, the lighting guy, by the way—I give you our resident knife-thrower, Janey Blade. And like all our acts, that’s actually her birth name.
As our resident bladesmith, she was insistent on editing the jokes for her introduction. At first I resisted, but then I realized I have slow reflexes and no life insurance. The only thing worse than being pinned to her target board is having to watch her act knowing you’ll definitely live until the end.
I’m joking, of course, it’s fun for the whole family if it all goes according to plan. If it doesn’t, it’s an act you’ll never forget! Win-win!
Tiptoes and Droppy soar through the air over our show. They are married to each other as well as their jobs—you should see their act after an argument!
The two of them have been doing acrobatics for so long it has become second nature! In fact, believe it or not, Droppy actually sleeps hanging upside down like a bat.
Last, but by no means least, is our resident magician—he’s elusive, he’s magical, he’s the highest budget act tonight, costing upwards of ten dollars in props and liquid smoke, it’s Superendo! Now you see him, now you—oh, he’s still there.
What he doesn’t know about magic… He should really start learning about magic. The way things are, the next thing to disappear will be his act from this show.
You’ve met the acts, you’ve learned about how it works, all that’s left to do is meet us back on the day where we’ll be telling you which of the acts we’ve chosen for which deals.
See you on Friday, November 24, starting at 12 AM EST—don’t be late!